The Good Ship Ocean Breeze (previous owner: Saddam Hussein)

The Coco Chalet cocktail? Forgetaboutit. You only really know you've arrived when you can afford a former despot's yacht. And fortunately one is on sale RIGHT NOW: the Ocean Breeze, a 270ft super-yacht formerly owned by Saddam Hussein (although he never actually got to use it. You win some, you lose some, eh?).

For £17 million you can enjoy bespoke features such as a health centre with operating table, a secret tunnel leading to the submarine escape pod, and flat-screen TVs in almost every cabin. For the security concious we can confirm that all glass on the vessel is fully bullet-proof and that there is also storage space for heavy machine-guns and/or surface-to-air missiles. It's just like something out of James Bond before Daniel Craig came along and they started relying on plot and stuff like that.

One final thing: it seems fair to warn you that there is only one helipad, and no gym, which is unusual for a yacht of this calibre. But if visitors want to complain you can remind them of what happened to people who dared disagree with the previous owner.